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Do not beleive in Miracles
Rely on them....
You DO NOT need another baby.  Its ok that your babies are getting bigger and its really nothing to cry about.  Rememeber that new babies are a lot of work, cry, need constant attention and for the first time in 5 years, I NEED and DESERVE some time for me.  

Also, please tell the working boobies up there that they need not long for a nursling....  That part of our life is over.

PLease stop with the aches and pains.   Please and Thanks.

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I can feel them blowing deep and through out every aspect of my life.  I have recently seen some people for who they really are, not who I thought them to be.  Its been eye opening.  I swore once that I would never let this happen again and I cannot beleive that I am in this same situation.  

The good thing about all of this is that today at the tree house, I met a girl with two little boys that stays home and has the family structure, values and ethics that I want in a friend.  We exchanged numbers and spent three hours non stop talking.  

Isnt it funny when the universe hands you something you needed so badly yet couldnt find on your own!? 
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On the twelfth day of Christmas, princessjemma sent to me...
Twelve casey98s drumming
Eleven peebs1701s piping
Ten babyslimes a-leaping
Nine georgiesdads dancing
Eight badrias a-milking
Seven habibekindhearts a-reading
Six nedia782s a-breastfeeding
Five athe-e-e-enaworths
Four politics
Three homeopathics
Two attached parents
...and a doula in a nurse midwifery.
Get your own Twelve Days:
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The rules are easy, just post 6 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 6 people and have them to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while!

1) I am 7dpo and my soul sister had a dream about a positive pregnancy test...
2) I have been studying and feel confident for my chem exam Tuesday.
3) My niece and Nephew are here spending the night and they are all quiet and sleeping!!
4) I got new window converings today and feel safer in my home.
5) George is home today and tomorrow.  First time in over 30 days.
6) II may be getting a puppy this weekend coming up!!

I don't tag people, but you should do it, it makes you feel good!!!
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So I just looked at the classes I have left to take... One semester. One.  Then I can start the nursing program.  That means working clinical rotations in a hospital all over metro detroit.  I had no clue i was so close.  I better slow down so i can have one more baby before i get into the knitty gritty... I dont want to put baby number 3 in day care while i am doing clinicals until she/he is at least 2 and Alex is 4.  Then I only have one baby to pay for day care and the other two will be in school... 

This all works in my mind but lets hope it works in real life too.... 
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Changing Practices

I had an ultrasound this morning for baby 3.  Things looked good and I finally got a due date!! February 16, 2008! Just what I thought.  Baby was moving all over, heart beating and looking like a ginat blob.  The part that sucked was that 1 I didnt want to be there, I feel like it was unecessary to do an u/s in the first place.  I had sex ONCE that month.  I know when I conceived.  2 the lady doing it was a giant bitch.  So much that I called and complained about her. 

I am thinking about switching offices.  I love the midwifes but their staff sucks.  That really makes the appts unbearable.  Not to mention that I always spend way more time waiting than I do with a person.  Thats no longer acceptable to me. 

At any rate, I am overcoming my fears of telling people I want a different birthing experience.  I dont care who says they wont be there anymore.  Thats not ok to me to tell someone those things.  Those are scare tactics and Im done.  I want to be respected.  I dont want to be treated like shit anymore by offices that get paid WAY too much money to treat me that way. 

I think I will be making some calls today.  Im just not happy where i am. 

I'll try to scan pics later of baby bean.  If I can figure out how my scanner works, LOL!!

In other news, my sister is getting married in two days.  OMG two days.  My baby girl!  I am so excited.  I cannot wait. I finished her speech last night and got all my stuff together.  (although I need to run to target in a few to pick up some last minute things.)  I cannot wait! I will post pics when its over!!

Current Mood: pissed off pissed off

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It was a good week.  I was starting to wrap my head around it.  Then it happened again. I know, I know.  It wasnt meant to be.  There was something wrong.  It doesnt make it hurt anyless.  Why?!  WTF?!!  


Current Mood: angry angry

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I'm ovulating this weekend.  I want a third baby so badly but there is something holding me back.  I am so terrified of delivery.  I want to have a water birth, but need some reassurance about it.  The only option i have is home birth... I am so fucking angry that they took all of my options away.  I wish that I had the self confidence and support to do a homebirth, but honestly i wonder if i would punk out or not...

i cannot have a c section again.  cant.  wont. 

Current Mood: angry angry

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My sister had a baby 6 weeks ago, Bradyn. Hes gorgeous. truly, I have never known how much I could love someone elses baby until he came along.  He is the light of my life (except for my kids) and I love him so much. 

She has been calling me for the last two weeks telling me that hes so grumpy and puking alot.  I told her that babies puke al ot and he is FF so of course its going to have a hard time settling.  I was so judgemental and bitchy about it. 

Two days ago she said that he was projectile vomiting, so I told her to call the ped. Anyway, she did that and he had to go to the hospital this morning and have a u/s to check things out.

Turns out he has a piece of tissue that is interferring with the flap to his stomach and he has to have surgery today to correct it. I am a mess. I am so upset for her and him.  I wish I could be there but they will only allow the parents and grandparents to see him. I have been awake all night worrying and crying.

I cant imagine my 6 week old having surgery and its just so sad. I know its whats best for him and hes in the best hospital in MI (Childrens Hosp. In Detroit) but I am worried sick.

I wish that there was something I could do. Heres where you all come in. If you pray, can you just pary for him? I really need to know he is being thought of.

I'll update when I hear more later.  Peace out.

Current Mood: worried worried

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