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I can feel them blowing deep and through out every aspect of my life.  I have recently seen some people for who they really are, not who I thought them to be.  Its been eye opening.  I swore once that I would never let this happen again and I cannot beleive that I am in this same situation.  

The good thing about all of this is that today at the tree house, I met a girl with two little boys that stays home and has the family structure, values and ethics that I want in a friend.  We exchanged numbers and spent three hours non stop talking.  

Isnt it funny when the universe hands you something you needed so badly yet couldnt find on your own!? 

The rules are easy, just post 6 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 6 people and have them to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while!

1) I am 7dpo and my soul sister had a dream about a positive pregnancy test...
2) I have been studying and feel confident for my chem exam Tuesday.
3) My niece and Nephew are here spending the night and they are all quiet and sleeping!!
4) I got new window converings today and feel safer in my home.
5) George is home today and tomorrow.  First time in over 30 days.
6) II may be getting a puppy this weekend coming up!!

I don't tag people, but you should do it, it makes you feel good!!!

So I just looked at the classes I have left to take... One semester. One.  Then I can start the nursing program.  That means working clinical rotations in a hospital all over metro detroit.  I had no clue i was so close.  I better slow down so i can have one more baby before i get into the knitty gritty... I dont want to put baby number 3 in day care while i am doing clinicals until she/he is at least 2 and Alex is 4.  Then I only have one baby to pay for day care and the other two will be in school... 

This all works in my mind but lets hope it works in real life too.... 

Changing Practices

I had an ultrasound this morning for baby 3.  Things looked good and I finally got a due date!! February 16, 2008! Just what I thought.  Baby was moving all over, heart beating and looking like a ginat blob.  The part that sucked was that 1 I didnt want to be there, I feel like it was unecessary to do an u/s in the first place.  I had sex ONCE that month.  I know when I conceived.  2 the lady doing it was a giant bitch.  So much that I called and complained about her. 

I am thinking about switching offices.  I love the midwifes but their staff sucks.  That really makes the appts unbearable.  Not to mention that I always spend way more time waiting than I do with a person.  Thats no longer acceptable to me. 

At any rate, I am overcoming my fears of telling people I want a different birthing experience.  I dont care who says they wont be there anymore.  Thats not ok to me to tell someone those things.  Those are scare tactics and Im done.  I want to be respected.  I dont want to be treated like shit anymore by offices that get paid WAY too much money to treat me that way. 

I think I will be making some calls today.  Im just not happy where i am. 

I'll try to scan pics later of baby bean.  If I can figure out how my scanner works, LOL!!


In other news, my sister is getting married in two days.  OMG two days.  My baby girl!  I am so excited.  I cannot wait. I finished her speech last night and got all my stuff together.  (although I need to run to target in a few to pick up some last minute things.)  I cannot wait! I will post pics when its over!!

Current Mood: pissed off

It was a good week.  I was starting to wrap my head around it.  Then it happened again. I know, I know.  It wasnt meant to be.  There was something wrong.  It doesnt make it hurt anyless.  Why?!  WTF?!!  

UGH.

Current Mood: angry

I'm ovulating this weekend.  I want a third baby so badly but there is something holding me back.  I am so terrified of delivery.  I want to have a water birth, but need some reassurance about it.  The only option i have is home birth... I am so fucking angry that they took all of my options away.  I wish that I had the self confidence and support to do a homebirth, but honestly i wonder if i would punk out or not...

i cannot have a c section again.  cant.  wont. 

Current Mood: angry

My sister had a baby 6 weeks ago, Bradyn. Hes gorgeous. truly, I have never known how much I could love someone elses baby until he came along.  He is the light of my life (except for my kids) and I love him so much. 

She has been calling me for the last two weeks telling me that hes so grumpy and puking alot.  I told her that babies puke al ot and he is FF so of course its going to have a hard time settling.  I was so judgemental and bitchy about it. 

Two days ago she said that he was projectile vomiting, so I told her to call the ped. Anyway, she did that and he had to go to the hospital this morning and have a u/s to check things out.

Turns out he has a piece of tissue that is interferring with the flap to his stomach and he has to have surgery today to correct it. I am a mess. I am so upset for her and him.  I wish I could be there but they will only allow the parents and grandparents to see him. I have been awake all night worrying and crying.

I cant imagine my 6 week old having surgery and its just so sad. I know its whats best for him and hes in the best hospital in MI (Childrens Hosp. In Detroit) but I am worried sick.

I wish that there was something I could do. Heres where you all come in. If you pray, can you just pary for him? I really need to know he is being thought of.

I'll update when I hear more later.  Peace out.

Tags: bradyn
Current Mood: worried

Its been a while since I have blogged here and to be honest Im not sure why it has been so long.  I love blogging here because I can let out all of the frustration that i have with my IRL friends and just say whatever I want since I know none of you are offendable... 

Today is our first day officially TTC #3.  I know.  We are crazy.  But I dont want to sit here and wait till things are perfect and right and then have another baby when I am 35 or 40.  I want to be done having kids soon and the baby fever has been hitting me since I was 8 weeks postpartum with Alex.  I was alaways meant to be a momma and thats all this boils down too.  I cant wait to have another, boy or girl, and complete our family. 

George and I have also decided to stay in our house for a while.  We are here, we cant sell it because the market sucks so we might as well enjoy what we have while we are here right? That being said, we are doing some updates.  We fianlly started renovatingour kitchen so that the table can fit in there and is no longer in the living room.  That makes my LR so much bigger!!  The kids, dog and I arent all squished together anymore and we have room to move!  Its so nice.  And we are renovating our landing space inside that backdoor.  We are painting it barn red, redoing the floor with wood and putting in some balck wrought iron light fixtures...  I cant wait.  We are also  painting the boys room red to go with the new Cars decals I got to go on his wall (he loves that movie!!!  )

Then for the first time in our entire married life, we got a new bed set and dresser.  no more crappy fraternity house bed for us!! Its wonderful having grown up furniture!! 

I am still working at Logans.  In all honesty I will probably quit this summer.  I love the money right now, thats what keeps me there.  What other job can you leave with $200 that night??  But some fall I will be done for sure.  I will either be pregnant, or haivng a baby soon and goign to school so that leaves work in the cold Im afraid.  Oh well... lol.  Screw them anyway. 

My sister is due anyday now.   She has 5 days left and I cannot wait to meet Bradyn!!  She is feeling so yucky though.  I feel bad for her.  Just uncomfy, stretched out and ready to have him!! 

Nothing else really going on.  Just living and loving my life...  I am missing one piece of my life but thats going to change soon beause I amnoit myself with out my rock.  She will be here tomorrow and things will start to change. 

Hope everyone is well. 

Current Mood: happy